Seth Godin, once again, takes a pebble of an idea and makes me stop and think about all the boulders coming down the mountain.

In his Destroying Happiness post, he suggests that marketing is about making people unhappy. Because, what happens when people are unhappy? They want to get happy. And that’s when marketers swoop in to make all our dreams come true.

Sounds like a simple concept but it’s a great way to think about marketing. It’s taking the “create a need” mantra to the next level. It’s as if marketers are Horton’s evil twin (if he had an evil twin) or whacky Christof from The Truman Show. We really are puppets on a string.

I replied to Seth’s post with a lot of spouting out about how our society has transformed from survival society to leisure playground. There’s a lot of room for marketers to create desire because we spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing except think about ourselves, talk about ourselves, think about other people and talk about other people.

There are pockets of savvy that are developing. We’re not all sponges and, I believe, that a lot of old tried-and-true messaging that worked in the ’50s/’60s/’70s and beyond is now invisible to most consumers. Just the other day I was watching some ad for deli meat where they were singing and dancing and I thought, is this really necessary? I don’t want your meat because you’re giving me a song and dance (literally). Just tell me why it tastes good.

I’ll tell you what makes me happy: marketing that does good. Get your product out there and show me that you’re a respectable company. Tell me why I would be associated with you other than the promises of making me look or feel good. Give me substance or give me nothing.

Sometimes I can be a real jerk. Here’s an example:

One night I was overdue on a writing project so I huddled up in my town’s library to crank it out. I was there from 9-8, taking only short runs to DD for some hash browns and coconut decaf with cream and sugar. Nearing the end of the night I was cranky and anxiously trying to get as far as I could in my project (which required reference books too big for me to smuggle out) before the library bitches kicked me to the curb. They’re all sweet and helpful during daylight but as soon as 7:50p hits, you better be making moves towards the door or they’ll make it for you.

So, while sitting at my table in an open part of the library, I received a call from my pal Jimmy. I can’t remember why he was calling but soon we were laughing about something and, while I was trying to keep my voice down (and I thought I was doing a pretty darn good job of it), I suddenly noticed the presence of some guy at a desk nearby working on the library computer. I tried to keep my voice down some more and then told Jim that I better split. Suddenly, the disgrunter couldn’t take it anymore. He whipped around and . . .

Fumer: “You need to take that outside. Right now!”
Me: “Hold on a bit Jimmy.” “Sir, I’m wrapping it up. Just give me a minute.”
His Furiousness: “No. You take it outside. NOW!” He starts to stand up and look around for help. From who, I don’t know.
Me: “Dude, chill it.” “Look Jimmy, I better split or this guy’s gonna blow something. See ya later.” “There, see? All done.”
Angryman turned in his chair, shaking his head, typing away.
Me: “Hey, could you keep it down please. You’re typing awfully loud.”
Mr. Feisty: Whipping around and glaring at me. “You know, your attitude is atrocious!”
Me (laughing): “Atrocious! That’s good! I like that.” I wasn’t lying. I thought it was a great response.

And from that point on the both of us made as much noise as possible: typing, coughing, dropping books, sighing. We threw in as much passive aggressive behavior in the last 20 minutes of library time as we could. When he left, he said, “Good luck with your project” in a half-angry, half-closure kind of way. I just replied a “thanks!” with all the cheeriness I could, as I picked up my phone, dialed my husband and walked away grinning as he huffed and puffed out the door. My only hope was that he didn’t have a dog at home who most surely received the fallout from this exchange. I doubted it though. He looked more like a cat person.

After that incident for the few times that I went to the library, I was always hoping I’d run into that guy. Now I’ve forgotten what he looks like but I always wanted just one more conversation with him. Not to apologize but to thank him. I’m not even sure what for. Aside from the fact that I have a great new phrase to throw around, I think it was just so liberating to not be nice. I’m not saying that I’m gonna be a jerk from now on but if an angst-ridden opportunity presents itself I don’t think I’ll be able help it. Because, at least it’s honest. If I was obliging and took my phone call outside or didn’t instigate him some more, it wouldn’t have been an honest reaction. Now some will argue that I should have been the grown up. That I should have been nice and accommodating. Probably. But, how often does someone tell you that your attitude is atrocious? That just doesn’t happen everyday. Well, at least not yet.

Today I was a contestant in an Elevator Pitch Contest sponsored by CT Showcase and Microsoft.

There were about 25 of us competing. I decided to pitch my other biz, group88, for the contest. All were small biz folk and ranged from my pal Cherie Griffith-Dunne of VLO Group Northeast who is on a mission to bring affordable but sleek houses to the underserved market of young professionals and the winner of the contest, Dori DeCarlo of S1 Bags who produces see-through bags and backpacks that helps make security check-throughs a breeze for travelers and high school kids.

The first contestant was a cookie lady who brought props, a.k.a. cookies! She handed them out to the judges and the entire room. Dang it! I half thought of running into the back room to grab the tray of fruit for my pitch but I couldn’t figure out how to make the connection from cantaloupe to coworking. The cookie lady was pretty good but I have to say she quickly fell into a classic mode of thinking, “well, I’ve 60 seconds so I might as well fill it right to the brim.” Kind of like a big cookie that has chocolate chips, pecans, butterscotch, craisins and dates. The cookie was great until you hit the craisins. And the dates were just not necessary at all.

Some folks were pretty seasoned pitchers. Others had tons of hootzpah and will be great if they keep at it. I was somewhere in the middle. The night before the pitch session, I was meeting with my top client and I had the chance to bounce my pitch off of them. They had some great feedback which I incorporated. Being able to verbalize my pitch outloud the night before was just what I needed to juice up my confidence and tighten up my goods.

Here was my pitch (although somewhat morphed because verbally it was a bit more cas):

“Hi, my name is Suzi Edwards and I’m with group88. group88 is a community of independent professionals on a mission to stay independent. At our facility in Simsbury, we share work and meeting space, office equipment, wifi, coffee and knowledge. Our members are freelancers, ecomm entrepreneurs, laptop loungers and road warriors. Starting at just $18 per day, members can use group88 when they need it: either 1 or 2 days per month or every day. You can find us at www.group88.us or call us at 860.658.4888. Our motto at group88 is, ‘hey, if you can work from anywhere, why not here?”’

Blech. Well, it was okay but I could have done better and this is how:

“Hi, my name is Suzi Edwards and I’m with group88. group88 is a community of independent professionals on a mission to stay independent. At our facility in Simsbury, we share work and meeting space, office equipment, video conferencing, wifi, coffee and knowledge. Our members include a doctor venturing into ecommerce, a marketing consultant, an executive search professional and other mobile workers. Our relaxed but professional environment helps solo professionals break the chains of solitary confinement and save on the costs of working solo. Starting at just $18 per day, members can use group88 when they need it. Some members drop in 2 days per week and others come and go when they need it. You can find us .88 miles from the Avon line on Route 10 in Simsbury. Check us out at www.group88.us or call us at 860.658.4888. Like we always say at group88, ‘If you can work from anywhere, why not here?”’

In listening to the other pitchers, I have to say that I see three top elements to a great pitch:

1) Pain Point: You need to express pain with pleasure. Connect with your audience by presenting the problem, a.k.a. “pain,” and the solution that will take the pain away. My pitch still needs help on this one but I’m getting there. John Stroiney from Microsoft, our host, picked his personal fav as the winner, Dori, because she hit the pain and solution points perfectly.

2) Illustration: Use stories and examples. Any time your audience can visualize how your schnizit rolls, you can take them 5 more steps into understanding what you offer. The third place winner was Princess Bola Adelani of Royal Proclamations. She was the only person to make personal contact with the judges. She walked right up to them, shook their hands and walked down the table to make direct eye contact with each of them. With her passionate words and interaction, she killed the judges and the crowd.

3) Clarity: Say what you mean and do it 30 seconds or less. Don’t say that you “build relationships” (which I did not hear today thankfully) or that you “provide solutions.” Terms like that mean nothing and get you nowhere darn fast.

So, I didn’t win. But, that’s okay. Dori, the gal that did win, totally blew us all to bits and she deserved it. It was definitely worth my time. I made some great connections and learned some good tricks. I might even steal the idea for a group88 event. The cookie lady will be invited for sure.

When I first started going to Web Innovators Group, it had the feel of an underground happy hour of geeks on parade. We were about 200-300 strong. Last night I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened the door to the hotel’s ballroom in Cambridge and found 800+ people inside! Holy cannoli! This is no longer the little event that could.

Let’s get right to the recap:

The Vibe: Anxious. Very little could be heard during the three main presentations due to chatting and poor audio from the front stage. Most of us spent time looking around the room to see who we wanted to talk to when the demos were over. My biggest feedback for host David Beisel is this: time to switch up the format. A bunch of attendees I chatted with said they’d be just as happy with 10-15 side dishes versus any presentation or demo. I typically ask for a quick demo at the booth anyways to see what I missed in the presentation. More one-on-ones would allow us to have more conversations and give us time to meet with more folks.

The Parade: Curious. My prediction pre-event was that the start-ups would be hyperlocal focused. The hyper part is dead on but hyperlocal is not the only way tech is improving. I typically use “hyperlocal” when I refer to sites like Zeer (one of the features at WIG) or MarksGuide. These sites connect people online to offline activities such as grocery shopping or a business seminar. The value of good hyperlocal is an improved experience — both online and offline.

The brainies at WebInno (and beyond) are building tools and apps that take experience beyond the either/or activity of website or real life. They are giving us platforms to create “hyperactivity,” only not the kind that makes your little cousin Johnny ruin Thanksgiving dinner. Sharing stuff is mixing with selling stuff. Communicating ideas is mixing with experiencing ideas. Building cool tools is mixing with playing cool tools. And if you can’t take it on the road, it’ll get left behind.

For instance, I spent some time chatting with Jeff Cutler from 211me, a text ad mobile mashup site. I asked Jeff how 211me differs from my pal Rob Flynn’s venture Pulse Media (Rob is also a group88 partner). Jeff proceeded to show me a promo for the upcoming flick Eagle Eye where fans can mashup Shia LaBeouf’s head with their own pic and forward it to a radio station promo to enter to win a walk-on role on some other DreamWorks flick. As Jeff would say, “That’s hot, right?” Yes Jeff, it sure is.

Mobile apps and i-ing up is the focus of start-ups these days. Apparently we will all be iPodding eventually, or at least everyone born in the ’80s will have them surgically attached to their texting hand. It’s not enough to be interesting, have a cool interface or provide something that brings users back. If you’re not bringing the activity to users while they’re waiting in line at Six Flags or hanging out drinking beers right now, figure out how. And figure it out fast because tomorrow will be too late.

The Deals: ?. My buddy Matt (a very sharp Rails developer) commented that the climate has changed because the start-up crowd has very few pre-funded folks these days. A lot of the companies are off and running and looking for next wave funding or need to figure out how to bring in the ecomm dollars (the biggest question of the night). I didn’t get to chat with any investors which is too bad because I’d like to know where they stand these days. Considering the packed house, I’d say that the funds are there but my gut tells me that the ideas getting the most notice have business plans beyond ad revenue or social connection models.

There is one prediction that I completely blew. Unlike last time, no one cared that I came “all that way from Connecticut.” Well, okay, two people did. Mostly, people were too busy trying to connect with the best connections, yours truly included.

The ride back was quick as my companion, Robin Towle-Fecso from JumpStart Creative, and I had a lot to chat about. Next week is Tech Cocktail. I’m up for the drive all the way from Connecticut, ludicrous gas prices and all. Bring it on Boston.

Every time I attend WebInno in Boston, I get the same question: “you came here ‘all that way’ from Connecticut?”

Honestly, is an hour and a half really “all that way”? I realize Boston is not exactly in my backyard but the mini-schlepp is definitely worth the trip. I like to think of The Web Innovators Group as the best geekpreneur sock hop on the East Coast. One Tuesday evening per month start-ups and techie guys and gals with ecomm and weberactive ideas court VCs and funders. We sip cocktails, watch demos and chat each other up with our best elevators.

As a writer and marketing message maven, I attend for very selfish reasons. The first is to have cool stuff to write about. The second is to have cool stuff to share with my clients. I could Google all day long to find out what new soc media or ecomm ventures are kicking up but, until you talk with the creators, you can’t really get a sense of how trends are shifting. Not being a techie, what seems new and fresh to me is old hat to a developer. I constantly feel like I’m behind the curve. I hate that. But feeling behind the curve is not all bad because it constantly drives me to learn something new every day.

I’ve met some sharp onliners at WebInno that I’m looking forward to checking in with, particularly Mark Doerschlag with MarksGuide, who just launched sites for NYC, Seattle and more, Kevin Gardner who runs the cool online music collab site Tune Rooms and Chris Keller from Fafarazzi, a fun soc net site that is like fantasy celeb sport meets The Onion. These guys have weathered the storm so far and have proven that they have the right combo of good idea + positioning + audience to pull it off.

Another reason I attend is to share ideas (to anyone who will listen) from the marketing and business perspective. Developers and programmers have a tendency to work within their world and focus on the “it”: what does “it” do, how does “it” look and where will “it” take the next wave of online cool? These are all very important “its.” The one I find missing a lot, however, is this: why are we doing “it”?

Asking why forces you to think beyond the immediate application and ten steps ahead to the possibilities of multiple apps. I sense that geeks and techies are getting wise to this, now that start-ups are transforming from dorm room innovation to dedicated career path.

If I could make one forecast for trends we’ll see on Tuesday night, it is this: hyperlocal. It’s a safe prediction, considering the pretty long list of new tools and apps for people to make online and offline connections for business and hobbies alike.

More importantly than trends, however, I’ll be paying uber close attention to conversations. It’s been a while since I attended a WebInno. Last time I attended I met the spectrum of smarties, from genius kids who were green in the ways of business to sharp-eyed suits who could use a little less business in their business.

Either way, I’ll be counting the times I hear, “You came ‘all that way’ from Connecticut?” So, let’s make another forecast. I predict that I’ll hear that question at least 4.5 times. More or less.

Hope to see you there! To check out the attendee list, go to the Eventbrite site for WebInno.

My pals Sonny and Kara Parlin have launched Sparrow Lounge, a site to showcase their amazing photography. The below pic of yours truly was taken in Hartford by Sonny.

Along with a sharp eye for perspective and in-the-moment portraits, Sonny and Kara are doing some amazing post-processing work. The work showcased on Sparrow Lounge is phenomenal.

Equally as awesome as their work is the lightening speed awareness Sonny and Kara are receiving via flickr. Within one day of posting the “Dreaming of Infinity” pic, Sonny received a two-page list of comments. Some spammers were among them but quite a few were either “love it” comments or “can I post this on my site?” questions. Sonny also joined the CT Meetup for flickr so he could hang with other photophiles.

This is a great example of social media turning the corner. flickr is a soc media granddaddy, for sure, but for many it’s still an online photo album. But, while kids and moms are posting photos for the heck of it, photographers are getting discovered and connections are being made.

If you have been one of those folks wondering what usefulness social media would ever have beyond a water cooler chat, get yourself on flickr. For the mainstream, flickr and other soc media giants are finally beyond the honeymoon stage. One of the biggest reasons for this is volume. With typically 5,000+ uploads per minute, flickr’s flurry of activity is more than just photos and comments. It’s art, laughter, friendship, innovation, intensity, transparency, discovery, and, for some, opportunity.

One thing I’ve gotten really good at is saying no. It’s taken childhood, puberty, those stupid years, the settling down stuff and now my reinvention phase. The first thing to understand about saying no is that it’s not just about you. When your gut tells you not to do a project, it’s taking the high road and thinking of everyone involved. And you thought your gut only had your interests to consider.

Case in point: I was recently contacted by an editor that I’ve worked with on a few how-to books. He wanted me to take on a 5-month project where I would be doing 90 percent of the writing. I know how these projects go. It would consume nearly 70 percent of my week because I would be responsible for the research, writing and then squabbling with my co-author (the expert in the field) about how it should be written. I said yes to the project even though my gut was saying, “no! no! no!”

I began by doing a little research and then drew up an outline that turned out to be all wrong for the book. Right then I knew I had to drop the project. My mind, my time and my heart was elsewhere. Yes, I needed the money but the project didn’t fit into my business goals of:

a) Taking on projects that align with the writer that I want to be
b) Taking on projects that I actually want to do

Luckily, I dropped the book project early enough so my editor could find someone else to fill my shoes. When I called to give him the bad news, he was very cool about it. After I hung up, I felt like I had just been given backstage passes to a private U2 concert. Well, maybe not that good, but pretty darn close.

Here’s how I now say no to something, before I take on a project:

Step 1: Digest. When a project or idea comes your way that you’re unsure about, don’t say anything. I’m not suggesting you mute up, but ask your inquirer as many questions as possible and then tell them that you need to think about it.

Step 2: Assess. When you’re thinking about the project on your own time, assess it within the scope of your other projects, your life and your future. Does this project align with your goals or are you just taking it on for the money or to kill time? If it’s just for the money, personally, I think that’s the toughest call to make. At some point you need to say no to money if you want to build your brand and focus your career. It just has to happen that way. If you’re looking to “kill time,” spend it on marketing yourself not committing to something you’ll regret later.

Step 3: Gut It Out. We all do it. We all ignore our gut instincts. Your gut is there for a reason - don’t deny it’s rightful place in your decision making!

Two weeks after I dropped the book project, two new clients dropped in my lap. Two FANTASTIC clients. Two clients who are a perfect fit for me. Two clients that I would’ve been forced to say no to if I took on the book project.

Don’t fear the power of no. At times, it’s just as good as saying yes.

This week my biggest mission has been sleep. Last Saturday I worked a marathon, from 9am to 3am (no joke), as I attempted to fix a project that I had delegated and poorly managed. Lesson learned. Each night since Saturday I’ve snagged maybe 3 hours of sleep, until last night when a heavenly 8 hour slot opened up and I jumped all over it like a squirrel at nutapaloooza.

Speaking of paloozas (cheeky segue, I know) . . . when I arrived at the Greater Hartford Women’s Conference yesterday, I was less than my usual energy-infused self. But, thank goodness I pulled my sorry act together to go. It was exactly what I needed.

Last week, I met with a really sharp, creative client potential. He’s forward-thinking, cool and just the type of folk I want to be associated with. At some point in our chat he said, “So, what is it that you really want to do?” Oh boy. Not this question. I never have a good answer for this one. Sad, but true. My answer was wishy washy and vague. I knew it was yucky even as it came out of my mouth. I can’t remember exactly what I said but the translation was pretty much, “I don’t know.” He picked up on it right away and said, “Well, when you get your s*&% together, give me a call.” No lie, those were his exact words.

Oy! There’s nothing like thinking you’re making a great impression on someone and then kicking yourself square in the nuts (so to speak, of course). So, fast forward to yesterday. I’m tired, I’m drowning in project work, I’m fuzzy, I’m kicking myself for recently taking on some projects that I don’t want, I’m anxious to spend time on my favorite baby, group88, and my 37th birthday is coming up in 3 days. That number is like 3 years from that zero number that I never thought I’d have to think about or face.

The first session at the conference is a panel of some very cool, smart women. They include Janet Peckinpaugh (award-winning TV anchor), Renee Sherman (Ameriprise Financial mover and shaker), Laurie Rosner (Rockville Bank bigwig), Karen Rossi (artistic entrepreneur) and . . . WHAT?!, who is that I see up there, is it, could it be? . . it is! Regina Barreca, UConn professor and sharp-tongued killer of bulls&*#. I could never get into her classes when I attended UConn and one time my mom (also a huge fan) and I tried to get to one of her speaking engagements and it was snowed out. Then I moved to NYC and life got in the way and so, meeting Gina has been a long time coming for me.

As I’m listening to the panel, my energy is coming back in full force. The discussion volleys back and forth between personal stories of the Old Boys Network pioneers and what, if anything, has changed since then. It’s good bonding that needs to happen at something like this. Chics bond, that’s what we do.

After the session ended I thought of something smart to say. Of course. If I could go back, this would be my commentary:

I think it’s great for younger women to hear about the early battles of feminism. We need to know our roots. Let’s face it, I just don’t have to work as hard because of their hard work. And, this leads me to my main point: I think the women who have fought so hard for respect and career advancement need to know that they have succeeded. We are there. We have accomplished the first “it.” I’m a great example. I was never told, “you can’t do that because you’re a woman.” I face different challenges. A friend of mine once said, “Women are a real pain in the ass to work with,” and he laughed it off like a joke. So, I think women today face more subtle challenges. The old mindset still exists but it has, for the most part, morphed. Saying degrading things out loud is now a no-no so they come out in fuzzy tones versus actual dialog. Often times I’ve thought, “Am I being treated like this because I’m a woman or because this guy thinks I’m a jerk?”

My point is that we are there, we did it. So, why are we still rehashing the old stuff? It’s time to take two steps into the future and kill that one leg in the past that is dragging us down. I realize that I just created a three-legged scenario here but, that’s what it feels like. If we’d just chop off that one unnecessary carnival-freak leg, we can sprint forward.

Either way, the humor and insight of Gina and Janet and the rest of the panel was the beginning of a day that has become a turning point for me. Here are the highlights:

1) I had a quick chat with Gina and bought her new book, Babes in Boyland. After finding out that I was an English major at UConn, she said to me, “How come I didn’t have you in a class?” I was impressed that she didn’t say, “did I have you in a class?” I’m guessing she does remember all of her students - or she can at least fake it really well which is just as good.

2) I attended three sessions. Two were excellent and one was not (that’s okay, it happens). My favs were “Designing the Life You Want” with calming Feng Shui expert Lin Huntting Congdon and “Great Presenters and Presentations: Fact vs. Fiction” with spitfire Debbie Fay. Both sessions were complete opposites and both were excellent. Both Lin and Debbie are extremely generous with their knowledge and time and I know I will be learning a lot more from them in the future.

3) Marcia Weider. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. I didn’t realize it but I sat with Marcia during lunch. I was across the table so I didn’t get the chance to chat with her. But no matter because her talk after lunch was worth every penny of my $129. Typically, I roll my eyes at motivational speakers. I have a bit of a closet arrogant side and usually am skeptical of someone else inspiring me about things that I already know or feel like I should know. Marcia is different. Marcia’s schtick is about dreams. But she doesn’t talk about dreams in a floaty, head cloudy kind of way. She talks about dreaming as a way of living. So, you want to be a dentist? You want to live in Key West? What are you doing about it? Her approach focuses on understanding that our realistic side is really just doubt’s ugly step sister. Our doubt paralyzes us. This is not revolutionary, of course, but the way she frames it has made me think about my own approach to life. The time has come to get off my arse and start doing the two things I really want to do: 1) become a great commentary writer and 2) make group88 successful. I have morphed her ideas into one, simple, three-word question that I will now forever ask myself each time I doubt my decisions: “Who will die?” Really now - if the result of my decision is not death for someone, either family, friend or stranger, than I have no excuse.

4) Dr. Norling. This week we rented out the group88 space to Dr. Sharon Norling and crew from the Mind Body Spirit Center in Westlake Village, California. Dr. Norling is a renowned optimal health expert who focuses on integrating natural and traditional practice. Dr. Norling, massage therapist Lorri Dzuiba (had a chair massage today - she’s awesome!) and Biofeedback Specialist Jim Holton have been meeting with their East Coast clients all week. They love the space and I love having them here. They’re good people. When my group88 co-founder, Jaye Donaldson, said, “Why don’t we have Dr. Norling do a lunchtime talk before she leaves town?”, I thought - can we really pull that together in 2 1/2 days? Well, yes we can! While at the conference Janet made an announcement about our very reasonable $10 lunchtime session on Friday with Dr. Norling and I immediately got 3 business cards handed to me. Dr. Norling’s session at the conference was packed and there were a lot of chics, like me, who weren’t able to get in there so we’re really happy to be able to do this. And, we’re getting the group88 name out there in a big way. Niiiiiiiiice!

5) I know Debbie Fay is reading this and seeing that I now am presenting a list of 5 things which, according to her is okay but not as good as just having 3 things because we all can’t handle more than 3. She’s absolutely right about that. But, frankly, I think 4 things is too weird and I wasn’t about to cut any of them. Odd numbers just seem to work for me which is not odd at all considering I like to think of myself as sufficiently odd. So, number 5 is really just that, number 5.

My crossroads has arrived. I have two career priorities that have been lost in the everyday shuffle of life but no more. I’ll let you know how it goes. Now that I’ve written out my dreams in this blog, I’ve gotta do it, right? Marcia will be proud, I’m sure.

And, by the way, the end of the day topped off with a great bonus: I won a raffle prize! I won by default because 2 other chics were not present, but who cares? It was the perfect prize too of a massage appointment and spa stuff. I deserve it after this week of laptop hell.

Thank you to the South Windsor Chamber and the committee for the Greater Hartford Women’s Conference. The event was phenomenal. Next year will be even better.

Back in “the” day, I helped my parents run a nursery school in our hometown. That was, for me, about 13 years ago. Other than my 4 year-old nephew that was probably the last time I had any major interaction with kids . . . until today.

Today, I attended a Lunch ‘n Learn at the Henry James Middle School in Simsbury, Connecticut. Folks from the local Chamber were brought in to sit with four groups of kids and talk about their career experiences. The event was pretty cut and dry: we sit down with a group of kids during their lunch time (about 20 minutes) and talk about ourselves and impart any wisdom on choosing a career path, what it’s like in the real world and, well, you get the idea.

My tables went like this:
1) ALL GIRLS: The first group I chose was all girls. I’d forgotten what it was like in middle school - girls to the right, boys to the left. This goes for walking down the hall, dances, lunches and anything that requires mingling. This table was a group of talkative friends who all knew exactly what they wanted to be in life (as of today) and were not shy about asking questions. They picked up handwritten questions from the bucket on the table (an excellent idea for ice breakers) and also chimed in with their own. This group was more interested in where I went to college than my career path but for the most part they seemed to be engaged with talking about both their career interests and mine. Easy first group!

2) ALL GIRLS AGAIN: This group had a variety of quiets and talkies. I enjoyed this conversation as well because these girls really wanted to know things about how my day went and why I do what I do. These girls were great about talking about their interests: actress, writer, nurse, dancer, forensic scientist (although this girl was a bit embarrassed by this choice for some reason), psychologist and child advocate. Lots of “my mom” or someone that has influenced their life was dropped in reference to why they are choosing what they are choosing. You really do forget how much of an impact you have on the young minds around you until you hear them talk about their own future.

3) ALL BOYS: Oh boy. This group was a small group because as they said, “we just don’t have that many friends.” These guys were not exactly speech-barren but they didn’t really offer up too much to say, except for the jokesters of the bunch who gave me fake answers to questions. I kept it casual with these guys and tried to ask questions about what they like. Lots of answers included “boring” and shrugs of shoulders. I also tried to be as unintimidating as possible, being a girl, but who knows if I succeeded or not. Hanging with the boys is a complete 180 from girls. And hanging with a mix was a bigger switch . . .

4) THE MIX: My last group was 4 girls and 3 boys. This is the bunch of jokesters that I would’ve hung out with in school. You have to be thick-skinned and sharp-tongued to sit at this table. There was no keeping on topic or keeping serious at any minute. They were humoring me because I was at the table but, other than that, they can pretty much make a good time all on their own. Good stuff.

In general the questions were along these areas: “why do you do what you do? how did you choose this line of work? where did you go to college/what did you major in?” The best question came from one of the cards on the table: “what has been your best and worst experience in your career?” That was a tough one to do on the fly. And, I’m kicking myself a bit because I didn’t have enough stories. I shared a few but I wish I had a few more that would’ve kept them engaged more. Well, maybe next year.

All in all, I really enjoyed this event. It was casual and free form. The kids that sat with me hopefully enjoyed the conversation and if I was able to impart anything, I hope it was the one philosophy that I live by: Whatever you do, choose something you love that plays on your strengths. If it starts to be something you hate, take the best parts of what you’ve learned and get something better.

Thanks for the day kids - that was a much needed break!

I listen to Howard Stern. As a successful 30-something-something entrepreneurial female, I’m not the typical Stern target fan (although there are many white collar white chicks out there who are big fans). I have been fascinated by Howard over many milestones. When he got drunk on the air and called up and berated then-wife Alison (or at least that’s how I remembered it as a kid, before my mom shut the radio off), when Howard left WCCC in Hartford, when Howard went national and I got to hear him again in CT, when I finally got to see the show’s ridiculously mutly crew on ET and, finally, now at Sirius.

Each morning when I can catch the show in my car, I flip around from NPR to BBC to music to whatever but I always go back to Howard. I could never really explain why I liked Howard, except for basic entertainment value, until today.

Today, Howard proved to me why he is the King of All Media. His guests were the Counting Crows. Lead Singer Adam Duritz did most of the Crows’ interview and, when he first started talking, I thought the whole interview was going to be one big headache. The guy couldn’t answer a straight question. He was dressed in a bunny suit and was more intent on giving Howard flip answers and jokey comments that went nowhere. I was happy to only visualize his pink ridiculousness versus really seeing it. I thought, “Give me a break Adam. Don’t try so hard. Just shut up and sing.”

And then, it changed. Howard isn’t a practical, tidy interviewer like Ed Bradley or Terry Gross but he is incredibly astute to chemistry. Adam wasn’t giving Howard what he wanted. He was dodging, skimming and sliding. I was expecting Howard to give up at any minute. Well, I was hoping he would give up. Nope. Howard persevered and I suddenly started paying more attention to Howard’s strategy instead of Adam.

I think there’s a lot we can learn from Howard when it comes to having an intriguing conversation. How many times have you talked with a client or colleague and walked away thinking it was a total waste of time? Or, maybe it felt like you got the basics covered but something was missing. It was good but not great. Howard knows how to get great - it’s his thing.

I never thought I’d say this but here’s how I will apply Howard’s interview tactics in my biz:

1) Get out of the ditch. As soon as Howard could tell that Adam was going to be a tricky interview, he started treating the discussion like a 2-wheel drive sedan stuck in a ditch. He gave it just enough gas to inch it forward but not too much to dig a bigger ditch. There are delicate ways to get information out of people. People want to tell you things - good, bad and ugly. It’s all in how you shimmy the rear end.

2) Move on. If your interviewee or counterpart is stubborn, ask them something else. When Howard could’ve gotten frustrated with Adam’s avoidance of questions, he threw a different zinger at him. The result was Howard slowly picking at Adam, wearing him down from all angles until Adam finally started having a real conversation. This is because Adam finally caught on that he was beginning to sound like a jackass. But, and here is the genius of Howard, it wasn’t Howard making him look like a jackass. Adam was doing the work all himself. To correct it, he intuitively began to open up to Howard. When he did, he showed his intelligence and genuine nature. Suddenly, he was connecting with Howard which meant he was now connecting with Howard’s fans.

3) Start with the finish line. Howard’s goal with interviewing Adam and the Counting Crows (well, mostly Adam) was to entertain his fans. Nothing new, of course. That’s his goal every day. But, the important thing to remember is that he never lost sight of the goal throughout the interview. The session transformed from bunny-suited rock guy spouting glib weirdness to a bunch of guys hanging out. The whole interview actually flipped: it went from stiff and forced to an unexpected good time. You can’t structure that. Howard worked hard at making sure the interview ended in its best form and he did it by reading the interactions of his interviewee, not by just jamming questions down his throat and hoping for good responses.

By the time the Crows started to play, I wanted them to hang in the studio all day. And then it just got better. They played two songs - Round Here and a new one, Washington Square. Then, Howard asked the band if they ever just messed around in the studio and played whatever when they hung out. Adam mentioned that they did a good version of the Grateful Dead’s “A Friend of the Devil.” So, they played it. I, like Howard, can’t stand the Grateful Dead but we both had to give them props for an awesome version. The conversation continued and, before I knew it, they were playing Springsteen’s Thunder Road. Where else could you get this out of a band? It just doesn’t exist.

I feel like Howard is at his best right now because he’s on Sirius and he doesn’t even realize why. I’ll tell him: he has brought community to entertainment. Everything that’s burgeoning in the realm of techie community, from sharing vids to me writing this post for anyone to stumble on, wants what Howard delivers. Once again, Howard’s ahead. Love or hate the King of All Media, we can all learn from him.

As a side note, if big business continues to block the Sirius-XM merger, they are not just sticking it to Howard and satellite radio. They are sticking it to all of us - at least for now. Communities that build online and in new formats like satellite radio are inevitable. The big pockets can’t hold it back forever.