One thing I’ve gotten really good at is saying no. It’s taken childhood, puberty, those stupid years, the settling down stuff and now my reinvention phase. The first thing to understand about saying no is that it’s not just about you. When your gut tells you not to do a project, it’s taking the high road and thinking of everyone involved. And you thought your gut only had your interests to consider.

Case in point: I was recently contacted by an editor that I’ve worked with on a few how-to books. He wanted me to take on a 5-month project where I would be doing 90 percent of the writing. I know how these projects go. It would consume nearly 70 percent of my week because I would be responsible for the research, writing and then squabbling with my co-author (the expert in the field) about how it should be written. I said yes to the project even though my gut was saying, “no! no! no!”

I began by doing a little research and then drew up an outline that turned out to be all wrong for the book. Right then I knew I had to drop the project. My mind, my time and my heart was elsewhere. Yes, I needed the money but the project didn’t fit into my business goals of:

a) Taking on projects that align with the writer that I want to be
b) Taking on projects that I actually want to do

Luckily, I dropped the book project early enough so my editor could find someone else to fill my shoes. When I called to give him the bad news, he was very cool about it. After I hung up, I felt like I had just been given backstage passes to a private U2 concert. Well, maybe not that good, but pretty darn close.

Here’s how I now say no to something, before I take on a project:

Step 1: Digest. When a project or idea comes your way that you’re unsure about, don’t say anything. I’m not suggesting you mute up, but ask your inquirer as many questions as possible and then tell them that you need to think about it.

Step 2: Assess. When you’re thinking about the project on your own time, assess it within the scope of your other projects, your life and your future. Does this project align with your goals or are you just taking it on for the money or to kill time? If it’s just for the money, personally, I think that’s the toughest call to make. At some point you need to say no to money if you want to build your brand and focus your career. It just has to happen that way. If you’re looking to “kill time,” spend it on marketing yourself not committing to something you’ll regret later.

Step 3: Gut It Out. We all do it. We all ignore our gut instincts. Your gut is there for a reason - don’t deny it’s rightful place in your decision making!

Two weeks after I dropped the book project, two new clients dropped in my lap. Two FANTASTIC clients. Two clients who are a perfect fit for me. Two clients that I would’ve been forced to say no to if I took on the book project.

Don’t fear the power of no. At times, it’s just as good as saying yes.